FROM THE DESK OF CERSEI LANNISTER, QUEEN REGENT QUEEN MOTHER QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS:
Agenda
- Wake-up wine
- Meeting w/Littlefinger
- Power wine
- Meeting w/Lady Olenna (pretend to be busy)
- Lunch (w/wine) and latest severed dwarf-head inspection
- Loras’s inquest (☺)
- Winding-down wine
- Pre-sleep scheming/self-satisfied smirking
- Nightcap
- Torturing Tyrells
- Ways to make small council smaller
- Decrees to tell Tommen to sign
- Worst Warden of the North: Ned Stark or Roose Bolton?
- Best-tressed monarch: Me or Margaery?
- Maggy the Frog’s prophecy
- Feeding the poor
- Paying back the Iron Bank of Braavos
- Littlefinger’s loyalty
- How the High Sparrow feels about adultery/incest/kingslaying/slaughtering Baratheon bastards
Eligible Male Lannisters
- Jaime — On a sensitive diplomatic mission; kind of over him.
- Tyrion — Trying to kill him.
- Lancel — Gave up incest for Lent.
- Tyrek/Gerion — Missing, probably dead.
- Stafford/Martyn/Willem — Definitely dead.
- Tommen — Ew, even for me.
- Daven – Giant beard, but probably my only option at this point. Invite him to visit.
- Get grapes instead. Make servant stomp on them. Then … wait a while? Not totally sure how wine works. Ask Qyburn.
- Convince High Sparrow to say storing wine is a sin; send Faith Militant to confiscate casks.
- Marry into House Redwyne. Pros: Unlimited Arbor Gold; like the sound of “Cersei Redwyne.” Cons: Would be related to Lady Olenna.
- Declare war on Dorne. He who controls the wine, controls the universe.
- Join the Night’s Watch. Cold and uncomfortable, but they make mulled wine.
Low point: Tie between Roose Bolton’s betrayal and Lady Olenna not noticing that my line about veiled threats was a joke about the veil she’s always wearing.
Ben Lindbergh
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